About 2 years ago my husband and I got pregnant. I look back at this time in our lives as so bright and full of hope and possibility. I still look at first-time mamas this way.
I was growing my acupuncture practice and my baby, and I felt so full of life. About a month before my son was born I was given the opportunity to take over the lease at my clinic in Laurel Village and went for it. So now we have the bones to build my business and my family all at the same time. Great idea! Everything’s falling into place.
A Really Tough Postpartum
The birth went smoothly. We spent a few days in hormonal bliss dwelling in an alternate plane of love and joy in our little nest. Then things went pretty dark pretty quickly for me. Breastfeeding wasn’t going well. My son would scream and scream at my breast and when he’d try to clamp down it was like searing pain through my body. I also wasn’t producing much milk because lumps were forming and blocking the milk ducts. He was getting hungry and every attempt to put him on my breast would cause one of us to scream. After about a month of sobbing and dark angry fits and a feverish bout of mastitis I finally gave up breastfeeding, but the darkness stayed.
Our families are both in the Midwest so we had spurts of visitors, but many days we were alone, my son and me. I hated the task of caring for a newborn. I couldn’t believe how hard and unrelenting it was. I always woke with plenty of energy, but by noon I’d be completely tapped out and the littlest things would set me off. I’ve experienced depression before so I knew I was wired to go to the dark side, but this felt strange and hormonal and out of body in that I could see how out-of-control my emotions were. The other thing that was different with this depression is it was anxious and angry, not the low-functioning, lay-in-bed weary type. And some days were ok so it was hard to clearly define as depression.
I went to my OB. We checked my thyroid. I told her I was depressed and she handed me a questionnaire to fill out and stepped out of the room. I went to my therapist every week which is a lot for a new mom to squeeze in, but it really helped. I had acupuncturists and herbalists and a few good girlfriends who really came through, but none of them had kids at the time. I went back to work because it made me reconnect with my confidence. Outside of that I just kept wondering where can I go? Who else can I talk to? So many women have gone through this transition, where is the support? And then as frequently happens in life, my clients started reflecting a similar dilemma. Where is the customized care around this massive initiation? Where are our wise women and mothers and sisters?
I took a trip by myself to Guatemala thanks to my incredibly understanding husband. That should also clue you in to how bad things were. I don’t know very many new moms who get a week away by themselves, and leave the newborn at home with dad. Guatemala is a very indigenous place and I was able to connect with some local medicine women and saw how differently their culture treated new moms. They virtually ignored pregnant women. During pregnancy one was expected to work and care for the house and family members. There was no special treatment. No doting on the belly, or showers with gifts. However, once that baby came out the community was all over the new mom. Moms and sisters and friends and cousins would swarm the house and do everything. The new mom wasn’t expected to lift a finger for a year. The women would show her how to breastfeed and care for the baby and she was never left alone. The husband was also not allowed any intimacy for one year which was interesting.
Seeing this brought me back to life. I felt a renewed sense of purpose and went to work branding Mama Lounge. The company is still in it’s infancy, but my ultimate commitment is to honor women and new families during this tumultuous transition. I know now that a birth, death, and rebirth occurred after my son was born, and it affected the whole family. I hope Mama Lounge can reach these families and provide comfort and guidance on the way to the amazing new life that awaits.
