And more on the topic of inspiring nontraditional city mothers: Sometimes having a child doesn’t come so easily. You work hard, you build a business, you meet a great partner, and for any dozens of reasons you find yourself not getting pregnant. This can be a very challenging time for couples. I decided to ask one of the women I know who has chosen to adopt to explain the process that she went through to end up with her daughter, Ella.
Meg: Age 43
Meg and her husband adopted Ella, now 15 months, and have done an AMAZING job at integrating their little one into their lives. Ella is a regular at dinner parties, rides in the 3rd seat on their tandem bike and is one of the happiest babies I’ve ever been around. Meg also founded Velo Rouge Cafe, a cycling enthusiast hang-out, restaurant and cafe. I find Meg to be fascinating because she also sold Velo Rouge when she decided it no longer fit her dream and she came to marriage and motherhood in a very nontraditional way.
How old were you when you knew you wanted to have kids?
For me it was much later, and after I met my husband, so late 30’s. I didn’t always know I wanted to be a mother.
When did you make the decision to adopt?
We had been trying to conceive naturally and continue to, which is fun but… I tried acupuncture briefly, but did not want to do fertility drugs or In Vitro so early 2010 was when we went to the SF adoption agency.
Can you give me a short description of the adoption process?
We started by making a profile which is like putting together a college application x 10. You don’t know what these mothers are looking for or how to present yourself. But then we started to hear the stories from other families who had gone to the adoption agency and that’s when we got excited and it started to feel like the right decision. We chose a domestic baby because we knew we wanted a child from birth and it can take years for an international child to make it here so we went with an SF adoption agency. We waited 8 months with our first agency and had no result, then switched to an independent contractor and met Ella 2 weeks later.
What challenges came up?
The waiting can be very challenging. When you’re so ready to have a child and there is nothing you can do to speed up the process. I would encourage someone just starting the process to be aware that you can go through multiple people and its those people and their connections who will find your baby. It’s also a challenge deciding what baby is going to be appropriate for you, and knowing the baby’s background, really think what is important and what you’re willing to take on.
Do you feel there are advantages to adpoting?
Having a child! And also seeing fate work to bring in the right child like it was our child all along.
What was more difficult: running a cafe or a family?
Running a cafe. The cafe felt like an immediate family of 10 people with employees and growing the business and some days you don’t get much love back. With family there are challenges too, but those moments when you get the love back turns it all around and can make your whole day.
Do you have a nanny?
I have 2 sitters 4 days/week which allows me to work from home. One of the sitters speaks Spanish with Ella.
How has your relationship with your husband changed since having Ella?
The luxury of having time alone together is different. And the daily situations of raising a child – we don’t disagree that often and it’s not something you can ever know about a person until you’re doing it. I have a lot of respect for his knowledge, and we’ve really had to learn to communicate.
What is the biggest change for you pre-motherhood to now?
Time again. But time can work in both ways. I don’t have very much for myself, but now I have the time to go to the park or playground and be with Ella. That and having the energy of a little girl in the house changes everything.
